In some of my Liberating Drafts posts, I share thoughts that don’t wholly reflect who I am today. Yet, I’d feel like I’m cheating myself if I don’t let go of some of these writings. It is fascinating to watch me/ read me evolve. The changing of the seasons, the changing of me. I’m always becoming.
The Things I’ve Learned with Sara
Written on July 20, 2012. Edited January 9, 2013.
Earlier this year, I got hired as a “personal assistant” in a house on the hills of Beverly Glen. When I met with Sara, the womyn I was going to work for — an older lady with a screwed up joint in her right hip — her daughter and I began (and couldn’t seem to end) conversations that could have well gone beyond the hour I was there. Much like previous experiences I’ve had with potential “clients”, we clicked, and I was hired to start the upcoming Monday.
Sara is my vigorous, always loving and understanding 82-year-old boss.
These are some of the things I’ve learned with her.
1. I’ve learned that it makes me happy to give myself flowers more than when other people give them to me. Flowers brighten my surrounding, and their colorful presence reminds me of the accountability I have for my own happiness. So I give me flowers once in a while, just like Sara does to herself.
2. I’ve learned that being surrounded by old, tall trees gives me peace, a reminder of how small I remain, a need to surrender. I sit in Sara’s backyard, on the chair that faces the sun at 9am every morning. What an exquisite way to meditate.
3. I’ve learned that we all go through the same struggles, doesn’t matter the age, place, or people in our lives. Struggles come with life, and we must live through them. I like to listen to Sara when she tells me about her life struggles, we connect in endless ways.
4.I’ve learned that following my heart is not the easiest choice, but it is the wisest. Even when everyone seems to be against you. Stay true to yourself and it will pay off. I have been able to witness this as I watch Sara live her life the way her heart told her to.
5. I’ve learned that a loving, and encouraging environment CAN start at home. With a willingness to accept ourselves, we will be accepting of those closest to us. That always seems so hard to grasp in my particular family. Sara’s family is very close, although everyone lives afar, they keep consistent communication and affirm each other of their love for one another.
6. I’ve learned that recycling, living a conscious life all around, and having my weird taste of things were not all such crazy ideas, as I was made to feel when I was living with my family. Here at Sara’s I don’t feel like such a foreigner, it’s like I fit right in.
Written on June 26, 2012.
The more I live, the more I learn this concept of real love. It is because I’ve been hurt that I know love, because I’ve been on the grieving process, because I know heartbreak.
It is because I know what it’s like to be bound to a reality that never belonged to me, or was a part of me. It is because I’ve witnessed suffering, people living for survival. I pay close attention to the waiter at Mel’s Dine In, I imagine the story behind her, the reason why she’s there, working late.
Being in love not only in erotic & romantic ways with one single person we like to call soulmate/ boyfriend/ girlfriend/ partner. But to be in love with my friends, with my family, with my son, with the sunrise, with my job, with my calling. I’m surrounded by the wise souls that I’m privileged enough to share my life with: my friends. I tell Roca I LOVE YOU with a potent voice and strength like no other. I am able to love unbounded, freely, willingly & humbly. All of this because I’ve known pain. Because I’ve burst late at night crying over betrayal, or loneliness, or Roca’s defying character and know that I’m alone to face the taming of a child.
“To say I love you is to say that you are not mine, but rather your own. To love you is to advocate your rights, your space, your self, and to struggle with you, rather than against you, in our learning to claim our power in the world. To love you is to make love to you, and with you, whether in an exchange of glances heavy with existence, in the passing of a peace we mean, in our common work or play, in our struggle for social justice, or in the ecstasy and tenderness of intimate embrace that we believe is just and right for us – and for others in the world. To love you is to be pushed by a power/God both terrifying and comforting, to touch and be touched by you…To love you is to sing with you, cry with you, pray with you, and act with you to re-create the world. To say ‘I love you’ means – let the revolution begin!” -Carter Heyward